Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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