so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
