I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
