Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You left your underwear on the fireplace
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
