the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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