he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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