i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
