I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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