she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
