I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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