Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
