my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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