***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
