You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
