you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
