I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i would punch a child for taco bell
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
