The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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