btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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