awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
