We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
