Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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