um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
