after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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