Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
