I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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