he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
