Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
