booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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