I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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