How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
