this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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