it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
