your thong is hanging out like whoa
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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