My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
