What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
