Where did you get a picture of my penis
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
