Even the bartender felt bad for me
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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