I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
