Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
