I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
