you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
