I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
