I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
