the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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