i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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