Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
