New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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