Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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