Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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