i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
People in love make me want to vomit
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
