Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
