gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
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he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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