I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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