i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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