he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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