so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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