they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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