trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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