eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
