I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
