based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize