Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
