i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize