So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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